Josh and I talked for hours this morning about religion, the Bible, spirituality, loving our family, finding community and how it’s all just so freaking hard to meet in the middle sometimes. We see eye-to-eye on a lot, but like any other relationship, we also have our differences- mainly when it comes to beliefs, methods and eating cake.
I live for these deep conversations about the meaning of life and what’s really at the bottom of the everything we think and do... but sometimes the rabbit hole can be scary. Which brings me to a favorite memento: LET LOVE LEAD. Let love bring you back to heart. ⋒

Together, Josh and I have journeyed through difficult, awkward, painful conversations. We’ve navigated times of disagreement, confusion and moments of misunderstandings. We’ve learned to breathe through every single triggering word or tone. I know there are more to come and I welcome them.

When we really listen and take in each other’s side of the story, compassion expands our hearts and more love comes in- filling in the holes of hurt and insecurities. It’s like our differences have in a way bonded us together through acceptance and understanding. ⋒

Relationships. Phew. The great teacher about myself. And really the universe... Bottom line: walking through differences always bring me to LOVE. Love is the guide, love is the way, love is the end. Love will take you home. ⋒

The challenge now lies in releasing control and insecurities. By letting fear move out of the way and letting Love lead, we can actually get somewhere great. If we all began to listen deep, speak truth and let Love show the way... maybe we can all be bonded together by the willingness to accept our differences and the fact that we don’t understand and that’s ok!! #unity#collectiveconsciousness #lovewins

True story: in my head, in dreamland, in the astral realm- I walk tall.

I speak seldom but with authority. I’m confident in myself, my ideas and my creations. I am powerful. In this physical plane, not so much. But working on it!!

Are you also making yourself small? Like your shoulders are hunched and you find yourself wishing to be invisible in public spaces? And sometimes you try to talk but the words don’t leave your lips??? You see yourself differently. You know in your core you are creative and strong as hell but you have problems manifesting that version of yourself? Or maybe articulating? Welp, me too! You aren’t alone! Yay! Yay internet for connecting us. I’ve been doing my darnest to step outside my comfort zone and follow my intuition instead of my head. So maybe I can live up to the Amber I really like when I’m dreaming. Will you join me? 💞 #introvertconfessions#calkingalldreamers #hershelterpoetry

There is a place to go within.

for the roaming mind to rest
for the soul-seeking journey to begin

a shelter for life’s hardest of days
for you to be alone and still feel ok

where feeling gives way to healing
and answers arise through
words gracefully moving
across the minds eye

where we can string together
the song of our heart-
our life’s work, our art.

where we can watch as thought
manifests into form
opening portals, opening doors

where we become one with the muse
the source that resides inside
our spirit, our life force
the true Divine

and when it’s time
we fly, we soar
finding our flock while finding our core
like birds in the sky
gently awakening all that pass by

Woke up to falling leaves. 🍁

Lots of anxiety swirling about as we are about 4 weeks away from giving birth to our baby.

Thoughts.

So many thoughts. How am I going to run or manage my business and nurture a tiny human and give myself time to rest and heal??? We are an hour away from the birth center... will we make it in time??? Will I be strong enough?? I still don’t reaaaaallly understand how a 7- 10 lb. living thing is going to come out of me... We still have about a million and one things to do at the house... (like get hot water and install a toilet.)When will we find the time to accomplish ALL THE THINGS and still be good business owners, partners, friends and parents??? Is “life balance” a real obtainable thing? 🤔 And what the heck does life feel like / look like after giving birth? 🔮

Anyway~ the leaves had some things to say about letting it all go and trusting in the process. Thanks leaves. Praying for all my soon-to-be and new mamma friends out there. I’m riding the wave with ya sisters! Here’s to staying on top and not drowning in fears, doubts and insecurities! 🤙🏻🏄🏻‍♀️🤱🏻🤱🏼🤱🏽🤱🏾��🏿#wegotthis #motherhood #beinghuman#lifethoughts #talkingtoleaves#thewildunknown

••• Hi, Spring. Hi, new life. Hi abundance that is always available at every second. Feeling these words from @dr_clarissa_pinkola_estes DEEP in the soul space. •••

We do not become healers.
We came as healers.


We are.


Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become storytellers.


We came as carriers of the stories 
we and our ancestors actually lived.


We are.


Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become artists.


We came as artists.


We are.


Some of us are still catching up to what we are.


We do not become writers…dancers…musicians…helpers…peacemakers.


We came as such.


We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.


We do not learn to love in this sense.


We came as Love.


We are Love.


Some of us
 are still catching up
 to who 
we
 truly are.


-Clarissa Pinkola Estes, #womenwhorunwiththewolves

photo: @lexibadams

Tomorrow will mark 3 months on the trail. Some days it feels like we were climbing Katahdin just yesterday and other days it feels like so long ago. 

The Mid-Atlantic section of the trail has been a huge mental challenge. Honestly, that's a big reason why I haven't posted lately. The trail has drained me mentally. Everyday has been a battle to keep going. I'm constantly reminding myself why I am out here and trying my best not to take this journey for granted.

I hit my lowest point a week ago in New Jersey. Springer Mountain seemed farther away than ever. I was tired, dirty and hungry. I didn't want to walk any further and I certainly didn't want to sleep in the woods since we had a bear encounter the night before. Why didn't anyone warn me about how much the trail can suck sometimes?! Like really really suck ... for days. The pain, fatigue, monotony, mosquitos, boulder fields, body odor and lack of water had the best of me. I knew that this journey would not be a walk in the park; however, I did not know that there would be weeks of misery. 

I like to believe I'm generally a strong minded person. I find the positives in circumstances easily, but I couldn't find any positives during my break down in New Jersey. "Maybe you are not as strong as you think you are", I thought to myself. 

I miss my friends, family and cats; I miss good smelling shampoo; I miss cooking in a kitchen; I miss being able to walk in the mornings without limping! I found myself questioning why I was putting myself through this torture. So . . . I did what any 25 year old would do: called my mom sobbing. She instantly went into mom mode to help me regain my emotional strength and reminded me that I was living my dream and that "I can do this." Yet, every fiber in my body was saying "just go home to your warm bed and cuddly kitties." The one thing standing between hiking and quitting was my pride softly saying "no way, you aren't giving up now." I sat hopelessly quiet for a long time not knowing what to do. Looooong story short:

FireSquirrel and I ended what we now call "the worst day yet" in a semi-clean, overpriced hotel room . . . safe from bears. We then decided to take a few days off the trail to try to shake my funk. 

(8 Days Later . . . yes, 8 days.)

After a few days of rest, milkshakes and soul searching I found my internal strength.

I'm feeling much better- taking it day by day. Although, Pennsylvania hasn't helped the situation. I never thought I would hate rocks so much. They slow you down and you can't enjoy the trail because you have to look at your feet the whole time. Reading the trail registers make me feel better because it seems like everyone is feeling the same. We all curse the rocks! One hiker hated PA so much that she decided to do a flip-flop, meaning she skipped to GA and is hiking back to PA, leaving it for last.

---- Voluntary Discomfort ----

For all of you who think we are walking through fields of daisies and waking up to colorful sunsets everyday ... well ... now you know that is most certainly not the case. We are usually walking through clouds of mosquitos or boulder fields and waking up to nothing but the stench of our sweaty clothes. 

However, (and that is a big HOWEVER) despite our recent struggles, we are still happy and grateful to be out here.

It's true that the bad days just make the good ones even better. I appreciate sunny days, cool breezes, shelter, clean springs and flat ground more than I ever thought possible.  Even though the trail has pushed us to our limits it continues to reward us with jaw-dropping views, memorable critter encounters, interesting trail towns and kind strangers. Oh, and don't get me wrong, we are blessed with days where we do walk through fields of flowers and wake up to beautiful painted skies. 

My Prayer

One thing I wanted to achieve during my thru-hike was to become a stronger spiritual person. NO DOUBT that has happened. I tend to be a pretty private person when it comes to spiritual beliefs. Though, one thing I am not shy about sharing is that there most definitely is a creative most magnificent God that has helped me overcome the toughest obstacles.  My prayer last week is that he/she would simply help me fall back in love with the woods. (sounds strange) Yeah, how does a hiker not like the woods? Well it happened. I was mad at myself for not enjoying nature like I did at the beginning of my thru-hike. I prayed and prayed for my burning desire to be outside to come back. I can happily say- it did. God has helped me see things through new eyes. He/she has walked with me over the PA rocks and protected my weak ankles during each clumsy fall; calmed me during the nights when I've been afraid; and even kept me company during the times I hike alone to ensure I keep a positive attitude. Yeah, it's safe to say that I'm gettin' down right spiritual. 

MidAtlantic Recap to come!

A lot has happened since the last time I've posted. I feel like some stories are worthy of sharing so I'm going to get to work on a Mid-Atlantic recap! It will probably take up my whole zero day but that's ok because it's YOU who helps us keep on going! 

Thanks for all the support and love. BIG thanks to my sweet friends Rob and Nicole Anderson for our thoughtful care package. The bug spray came in super handy! Also, thanks to the most loving and supportive parents- mom, Tanja and John and my sweet Nana. All of the supplies you send us each week, well, kick ass. Lastly, thanks to all of you who send us encouraging texts and Facebook messages. You will never know how much that fuels our strength. 

Happy trails~ dandelion