a calling
from the Divine,
comes in the form
of two little blue lines.
in poetry
Monday, July 27, 2020
Love from Above, a poem
A surprise gift,
A message
that I must
raise, nurture and guide
not only one,
but two young lives.
Like a Summer thunderstorm
without warning,
waves of emotion
roll over me.
The doubts rain down
and the light disappears.
“I’m scared.
I’m not ready.
I need more time to prepare.
I need more time to save.
I need more time to become
mentally, spiritually and physically brave.”
Although, I know deep in my soul
that my worries will fade
with a little self trust
and a whole lot of faith.
I can bring the Light back
I’ve done it before.
I can do it again.
To believe in my power
is how I will begin.
I look back at the little blue lines,
one standing beside the other
and smile thinking of River
becoming a big brother.
The fears begin to settle
along with the restless butterflies.
Just in time
for the quarter moon to rise.
Before I fall asleep and dream
of our family of four,
I give thanks to the Love from above
for giving us new Life once more.
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Prayer of a Storyteller
⋒ ••• prayers and forgiveness ••• ⋒
I offer my most sincere apology to everyone I have tried to “fix.” Everyone that I saw as broken, rather than a whole human healing. I am sorry if I have ever made you feel less than or inadequate or incapable of finding your own way. I am so very sorry for not meeting you in the valley. I pray that whenever I am on the mountain top and hear the call of my sisters and brothers in the valley, that I will have the courage to meet them where they are and the compassion to listen.
I pray that I am always a healing balm and never salt in the wound.
much, much deep love, Amber #stillgrowing #here
Thursday, March 5, 2020
Return to Love, A poem & prayer
Swirling in space.Earthbound.
Star struck.
Inspired by desire.
Moved by feelings.
Hurting and learning.
Healing what needs healing.
Connected.
The same.
Yet Divided
By walls that remain
Through decades of confusion
And illusions.
The collective vibration
Must be lifted
To make the walls tremble,
Crack, fall, dissolve
Love is the power that can shift this.
Wild ones,
Brave ones,
Black sheep,
And untamed ones,
Let us howl. Let us roar.
Gather your medicine.
Get ready to soar.
Do what you love.
Do it more.
Stay awake. Stay here.
Live in your center
Love from your heart
Make your mother-loving art.
Together we will make history.
We are the earth, we are the sky,
We are one another.
We come from the same Mother.
Compassion.
God, fill us with compassion.
Remind our souls we are all fighting
We are all trying.
We are all warriors.
Although we need help
Right now.
We are distracted. We have forgotten.
Bring us back to our true nature.
Take us away from the hatred.
We want to be free. We want to be Love.
Remind us that we already are!
We just have to claim it.
We are the bridge to below and above.
Let us all return to free flowing LOVE.
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Inner Alchemy, A poem
Trying to turn pain into art
Just trying to do my part
Of using my creative gifts
To help give our world a vibrational lift.
But fears and distraction has kept me from taking action
Will I ever find my voice? Will I ever calm the noise?
I’m taking a break from social media to raise my self esteem
Always feeling blue after looking at the screen
Always feeling lonely after the self-sabotaging routine
I know I’m better than this
Why can’t I just quit the bullshit
A prisoner of my thoughts
Got my stomach in knots
I look in the mirror and all I see is a tired mom-
Wondering what in the world have I done wrong.
Where has my self esteem gone?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
I thought my days would be full of color and play.
I left the corporate world so I could do more of what I love-
Sacrificing the stability and pay
You know, so I could make art and do the things I’ve been dreaming of.
But I’m scared.
What will they think? What will they say?
If I declare something true. If I paint something new.
If I stand for something they stand against.
If I make an uncomfortable mess.
If I choose to confess.
Things need to be put to rest.
This will be the ultimate test.
Can I alchemize
The tears that I’ve cried?
Can I visualize
A new me, a new you-
And be brave enough to believe it may come true?
I want to be cool. I want to fit in.
I want to be seen for the real me.
I want to be accepted.
I’ve been rejected.
It hurts for a minute, but then I’m over it
And ready to get back in it.
But this time I have different intentions.
This time I’m aiming to be respected.
Respected for trying.
Respected for truth-telling, being scared and crying.
Respected for messing up
And having the faith to get back up.
To transform these deep emotions
Into stories of love, hope and devotion
Would be an act of spiritual alchemy
Then, maybe, I will finally feel free
Sunday, January 5, 2020
The Deep Work, A Poem
Keep hiding, keep safe.
Don’t put yourself out there for Heaven’s sake.
Just keep to yourself. Free from judgement.
Free from fear of what others will say.
Because…
How will they take you
with your mess and your sadness….
Don’t risk being rejected,
just be quiet and feel accepted.
Damn.
Just want to feel loved and cool.
Thought I left all this shit in High School.
I’m 31 and still concerned with my self image.
Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve been given?
Can’t I be content for just one minute?
Thinking. . .
Gotta be liked. Gotta be something.
Better be good or else I’ll be running
I look at my son and hope he’s not like this.
I hope he gets his daddy’s self confidence.
I hope he doesn’t stress about paying the rent.
He’s bound to be more. Right?
Because I’m learning what to say.
I’m trusting it will all be okay.
Even when the blue skies fade to grey,
I’ll think back to my time I lived on Renee-
When I would cry everyday and just pray
for the sadness to go away.
Been becoming more aware of my actions.
Noticing that my phone is a tasty distraction.
That this consumption and obsession with superficial stuff
Has us all running amok
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
I’ll pray it everyday.
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
Help me believe that I am enough.
I know my son is watching.
Always pulling out pots and spatulas-
trying to cook just like his daddy does.
He wants to be just like us.
They say kids change you
Now, I know that’s true.
Got caught up in religion
Now, I’m trying to live by my own intuition.
I’ve been battling my own reflection
since I ran for homecoming queen and faced rejection.
Trying to control my happiness
through numbers and caffeine.
And by connecting on screens.
Spent a long time contemplating life.
Spent a long time wondering why.
But my son gives me hope.
If God chose me to be a mom,
I’ve got to find a new way to cope.
This fear and anxiety cannot get the best of me.
The universe is counting on me to get it together.
Mothers, let this be a truth to remember:
The universe is counting on us to get it together.
Through the sleep deprivation,
we must be the true education.
To love ourselves and honor all creation.
To be examples of strength and vitality.
To teach our children to dream,
but understand living in reality.
I have to be better at believing in myself.
I know it’s an investment in my health
and ultimately my wealth.
It’s all for my son
and the generations to come.
He makes me want to do my part.
Do the deep work and make good art.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Found in Service of Spirit, A Poem
Here I am.
In this moment
and I can't help but feel the pull
of every women wondering
if someone else is out there.
The shy little kid in me
wants to hide. "Shhhh, be quiet . . .
don't move. They might find us."
I know this little girl is trying to protect me.
But the pull is strong
and so am I.
I have things to say to these women.
I have things to share. Like,
Hi, I'm out here and I feel alone, too.
I'm hurting and I'm confused and struggling.
The shy little girl flinches- waiting
for someone to laugh or criticize.
But no one does.
Instead, she feels Love.
A multitude of heavenly hosts coming to her side.
She feels safe again.
And at peace for
she doesn't have to hide any longer.
Lost. Seeking. Hiding. Found.
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