Keep hiding, keep safe.
Don’t put yourself out there for Heaven’s sake.
Just keep to yourself. Free from judgement.
Free from fear of what others will say.
Because…
How will they take you
with your mess and your sadness….
Don’t risk being rejected,
just be quiet and feel accepted.
Damn.
Just want to feel loved and cool.
Thought I left all this shit in High School.
I’m 31 and still concerned with my self image.
Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve been given?
Can’t I be content for just one minute?
Thinking. . .
Gotta be liked. Gotta be something.
Better be good or else I’ll be running
I look at my son and hope he’s not like this.
I hope he gets his daddy’s self confidence.
I hope he doesn’t stress about paying the rent.
He’s bound to be more. Right?
Because I’m learning what to say.
I’m trusting it will all be okay.
Even when the blue skies fade to grey,
I’ll think back to my time I lived on Renee-
When I would cry everyday and just pray
for the sadness to go away.
Been becoming more aware of my actions.
Noticing that my phone is a tasty distraction.
That this consumption and obsession with superficial stuff
Has us all running amok
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
I’ll pray it everyday.
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
Help me believe that I am enough.
I know my son is watching.
Always pulling out pots and spatulas-
trying to cook just like his daddy does.
He wants to be just like us.
They say kids change you
Now, I know that’s true.
Got caught up in religion
Now, I’m trying to live by my own intuition.
I’ve been battling my own reflection
since I ran for homecoming queen and faced rejection.
Trying to control my happiness
through numbers and caffeine.
And by connecting on screens.
Spent a long time contemplating life.
Spent a long time wondering why.
But my son gives me hope.
If God chose me to be a mom,
I’ve got to find a new way to cope.
This fear and anxiety cannot get the best of me.
The universe is counting on me to get it together.
Mothers, let this be a truth to remember:
The universe is counting on us to get it together.
Through the sleep deprivation,
we must be the true education.
To love ourselves and honor all creation.
To be examples of strength and vitality.
To teach our children to dream,
but understand living in reality.
I have to be better at believing in myself.
I know it’s an investment in my health
and ultimately my wealth.
It’s all for my son
and the generations to come.
He makes me want to do my part.
Do the deep work and make good art.
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