I had been curious about Kundalini for years. Although, it had never been intriguing enough to try it out. I knew Kundalini had something to do with intense breath work and that Guru Singh does it at the end of all his podcasts, but that was about all I knew. In my energy healing apprenticeship, we had done a bit of breath work and I dreaded it. Mainly, because I was terrible at it and it was a tender time in my life to be terrible at things. And yet here I am- writing about how much my spirit is craving to breathe deeper and more fully these days- terrible or not, Kundalini here I come.
Change of plans.
As I was driving to the gym, ya know, to really sweat and exercise I was feeling this intuitive nudge to skip running. How about opting for something more gentle and more contained, I heard my spirit whisper. I pulled over and quickly searched “yoga classes” in Asheville. For the first time, I really wanted to breathe through my anxiety instead of running it out. It’s like my soul was telling me, “You can’t run away from this, Amber“.
Maybe, it’s not my year to run a marathon. Maybe it’s my year to meditate. To face the fears, but in a gentle, loving way. To be feminine. To be motherly.
My mind loves running because my body is actually moving at similar speed. Plus, all the sweating makes me feel accomplished. It does move a lot of stagnant energy; however, I’m noticing that it’s not doing the trick mentally since I’ve given birth. My anxiety is higher than ever and the stress just seems to be compounding. My little trips to the gym are supposed to be my precious “me-time” but instead it is ALOT of me worrying about being away from River. I do my routine as quick as I can, skimp on my cool down, rush through stretching and skip the glorious shower. I tell myself, “well, at least I got a quick run in. . . better than nothing, right?”
Hmmm. . . I’m starting to wonder.
Which brings me back to why I was feeling like changing things up. Maybe, it’s not my year to run a marathon. Maybe it’s my year to meditate. To face the fears, but in a gentle, loving way. To be feminine. To be motherly.
So, Yoga called.
I’ve been doing yoga at home for years. I always thought, “why spend money on a class when you can just do it at home.” This is great when you know the basics but a time may come when Yoga calls you deeper. I’m learning. . .
I noticed that Ra Ma, a local teacher that I had been following for three+ years, was teaching a Kundalini class from 4- 5:30pm. This was affirmation from the universe that I should get on a mat instead of on a bike. I’ve been curious about her Moon Ceremonies for a while, but the stars haven’t aligned for me to attend. Seemed like they wanted me to attend her yoga class! So I took the hint and signed up online.
The Anxiety of doing something new was there.
I walked into the studio and saw two people in all white. “Oh shit. Did I mess up? Wait, was I even supposed to bring my mat? Damn. . . I knew I should have left it in the car. I feel like such a newbie.“
All the fears showed up and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. Ok, Amber. This is exactly why you are here. Get your butt on the mat and calm down.
I was early because I’m always early. I sat down and watched the room fill up. I wondered how many people had been here before and if I would be the only first-timer. I began to relax after seeing others wearing black and carrying their own mat like me. Everyone seemed to have this calm energy about them. I loved the variety of ages, shapes and sizes of women in the room. You are safe here– Oh, good. My wise inner voice showed up, too. 🙂
Patience, a mini yoga class before the yoga class.
I looked across the room and saw a woman stretching into child pose. Yeah, ok, that seems like a good idea, I thought. So I followed suit until the instructor, Ra Ma, was ready. I closed my eyes and told myself that I was here for me. That River was OK. That Josh was OK. No one needed anything from me. This was my time to relax my nervous system, so that I could be there for my family when they did need me with a calm and steady spirit.
I looked up and saw a woman standing over me with this bewildered look in her eyes. She was trying to figure out where to put her mat. There was too little room on either side of me. I remember thinking, “why can’t she go somewhere else? Why is she insisting that I move? How dare her bother me. Also, why isn’t she talking to me? She is just standing over me confused like.“
I looked up and saw that the room was completely full. I quickly moved over for her, felt guilty for judging her awkwardness and went into my “empath, worry about everyone” mode. There were more people coming in the door. WHERE WOULD THEY ALL SIT? WOULD PEOPLE HAVE TO LEAVE? I scanned the room and started working out the puzzle in my mind. (why, you ask? IDK! That’s just what empaths do) I did the math and realized that everyone could fit. It would be tight, but we were all ok. No one would be turned away from Kundalini because of lack of space. Phew.
Damn, this instructor must be good. It’s a packed house!
Ra Ma sat down and welcomed everyone. She was in all white and had a soft, glowing smile. I was sitting directly in front of her. Not by choice, if I hadn’t been forced to keep moving over then I could have been in the back corner. . . where I could slip out if things got weird. Sitting directly center, in front of the instructor, made me nervous. I was sure to “mess up” since this was all new to me. The class was starting. I had to go with, so I did.
Ra Ma began with an Astrological Forecast and reminded us that these are “important times.”
She encouraged everyone to write down our dreams for the next 2, 5, 10 years and to be diligent about working toward what we desire. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had any Virgo in her chart as she explained writing down all the major astrological transits and her color-coding wall calendar process. I like this woman, I thought. As if I was marking off some mental check-list about if Kundalini was “right for me”.
With the fresh Aquarius season approaching, this all felt divinely synchronistic.
We all closed our eyes as Ra Ma brought our awareness to our intention. I thought of my word: Peace. I just want to feel calm inside. I vowed to take in every minute of my “baby-free, me-time”during the class. She invited us to enter a state of gratitude and I quickly thought about my family. Josh’s family was at my house playing with River so i could be here. Our families are our backbone and I’m not sure I express my gratitude enough to them.
I wish I could remember all the things Ra Ma told us during the beginning of class. There was something she said about the energetic forces of the Heart being able to wrap around the entire Earth and that it can surpasses time and space. Wow, what a beautiful image. I just remember thinking about the power of prayer and the validity of miracles. (will be researching this further)
We moved onto warming up our bodies and Breath of Fire, where you breathe in and out of your nose quickly and evenly. A friend once told me, “if you want to get high without drugs, try Breath of Fire.” I wondered if I would feel high after Kundalini. . . I did.
We chanted. Well, I tried, but I wasn’t quite sure what we were saying. I wondered what was actually happening during the chants. I knew it was raising? shifting? altering? our vibrational frequency . . but HOW?? I couldn’t help be curious. Still, I chanted.
We did Kriya, which I now know it to be a comprehensive combination of pranayama, mantra, and mudra. I really appreciated Ra Ma’s comparison of Kriya Yoga to being like a recipe- “like baking a cake” she said. It’s important to follow the exact recipe to be most effective. It was easy for my beginner mind to grasp on to.
I was completely lost in the moment. In the best way. It was a magnificent challenge to: breathe evenly, hold my arms in the air while alternating between finger positions, all while “gazing” at the tip of your nose. THEN, we were instructed to lock our root or activate our root lock- something like that. (will be listening for better instructions next time) Stuff, is it tough shit! Ra Ma had some up beat music playing. I tried to find a rhythm with my fingers but then noticed that I stopped breathing. Then, I noticed I was closing my eyes.
I was trying my hardest to get the “recipe” right, but it was inevitable that my beginner chops needed more practice. If I skip the root lock, is that like forgetting to put in the eggs when baking a cake??
Something was being “activated” despite my floundering through Kriya.
I gave into the fun of it and let the pressure go when we started doing some crazy shoulder dance. Ram Ma said it was to open our rib cage, the space where the lungs live. “do it with style” she suggested. I tapped into my dancing roots with my hands atop my shoulders, bouncing up and down, eyes closed, swaying to the beat, channeling any bird that would take me higher.
We went it the “relaxation” portion of the session. (I think this was the gong bath, but I’m not too sure since my eyes were closed 90% of the time.) I’m still trying to find the words to describe exactly what went on during this 5-7 minute stretch. The sounds made it seem like I was traveling through a worm hole. That’s the best I got right now. Sounds weird. . . it was.
To close up, we did some more light stretching on our backs, some “wave-like” movements with our arms and upper torso and more chanting.
The class was not too long nor too short. I feel like in other yoga classes, I’m either ready for them to end or longing for a bit more time to relax. I left feeling so satisfied. I was Yoga High and I couldn’t wait to get home to tell Josh about it.
So many little delighting surprises!
I was surprised how fun and invigorating Kundalini was- maybe it was the newness or the challenge. I guess I’ll have to keep going to find out.
It really did calm my nerves and quieten the incessant mind chatter.
I was also completely shocked from how sore I was the next day. It took two full days for my shoulders to stop hurting. (It was that good pain, like my stress was burning away.)
The Big Takeaway: Kundalini is not just some foo-foo breathing class. It’s tough. It’s powerful. It’s fun. It’s for everyone. It will get you out of your head and into your body. You might sweat. You might be sore. You will definitely feel good and full of energy afterwards. It might just be my next obsession.
Ra Ma, if you read this. Thank You! Thank you for an amazing first Kundalini Class.
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