Monday, January 11, 2021
My Postpartum Body
This is my body 4 days after giving birth. Round, swollen, bleeding, tender, healing, transforming.
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It was New Years day and I couldn’t help but take a little video of myself massaging oil on my squishy postpartum belly. It was a big moment for me because I had just stepped on the scale, (gasp, not the scale!) looked in the mirror & felt nothing but gratitude for my body. This was a big change in attitude for me. It was a New Year & new Amber.✨
This body and I have been on a journey. Actually, my whole life has been akin to one big war: Amber verses her own body. Sounds sad and dramatic but the reality is that many women my age have the same story. (where my soul sisters at?) I hated this body for a long, long time. And that hate seeped into every area of my life- destroying relationships, dreams and who knows what else. My body wasn’t thin enough or tall enough or smooth enough or strong enough . . . the list goes on, but I don’t think we need to go down that rabbit hole today. I’ll save the body dysmorphia, obsession and eating disorder stories for another time.
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What I am here to say today is I LOVE MY BODY. I CELEBRATE MY BODY. I am AMAZED at this body. This body carried, grew, nourished and birthed not one but TWO healthy babies!!! 💛 Our relationship has been rocky, dark and painful. So much hatred and self sabotage ultimately brought me to the bottom of the ocean. There I met the Divine, Mother Earth, the Feminine, my true essence. Years of healing and cultivating a loving relationship with my body led me down the most amazing path- becoming a wife to my favorite person and a woman who would rather channel wolf energy to be able to howl and growl her babies into the world instead of help from modern medicine. A woman who trusts in the mystery.
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Tonight, I am cozy in our den with my two babes and I’m in awe of how we got here. This life, this human journey is just so beautiful. Maybe it’s the postpartum hormones, but I just well up with tears thinking about all the transformation I’ve experienced. All the growth my soul has gone through. I look forward to the journey ahead with Faith, Gratitude, Humbleness & newfound Strength.
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Gahhhhh now I’m rambling. Gotta go take care of the kids!
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I love you. Talk soon.
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May you trust in your body. May Love lead you all over the map and through a wide range of emotions that teach you about your own innate wisdom and power within! 🙏 So much love, Amber #postpartumbody #fourthtrimester#motherhood #bodylove#womanhood #riteofpassage
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Flow with the River
Letting go of any preconceived ideas of what your life should look like is rather hard. We grow up forming a beautiful picture of what life will look like when we are 25, 30, 49.... What we will have accomplished by then, what kind of job we will have and what our living arrangements will be. We will know what political party to vote for and attend church regularly. We will have our life in order that's for damn sure by the time we are 26. We spend years building our ideal life. Some of us measure it out in coffee spoons- detail after detail. However I was reminded today that it's good to let all of that go from time to time. Trust the process. It's ok if you are 30 and aren't married. It's ok if you lack one college credit before you can be an official grad. It's ok if you identify as a republican and but secretly like Obama. And it is completely fine to feel lost and helpless. It's time to let go and flow with the river of life. Be easy on yourself.