Well, I’d like to believe that with a little creativity and some willing friends, mothers-to-be can stress less and enjoy more throughout the journey! Below are my favorite ways to keep the good vibes flowing during pregnancy!
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
6 Life Lessons I Learned from Hiking the Appalachian Trail
THE MOUNTAINS CALL FOR A REASON
I believe the mountains call to awaken and reconnect us with our purpose. To remind us that "the world needs people who have come alive," as the author and philosopher Howard Thurman once said.
Dreamers know that we are here for a purpose. Dreamers see the value in seeking clarity regarding purpose. We want to be absolutely sure that we are on the right path- that we have intercepted the correct universal mission. But unfortunately, sometimes, this soul-seeking journey can send us into depression, analysis paralysis, and not to mention the everyday grind that is life. Things get cloudy. We get distracted, and our souls get a bit lost. This is when the Mountains Call.
There is something about being on the trail and walking forward that puts things into perspective. My brain gets rewired every time I set foot on a dirt path. I walk and climb until I get to the mountaintop, where I look out over the vast landscape and think to myself, "life is hard, but I am strong. I just have to keep moving and believe I will make it. . . I always do." I think about my past hikes and am constantly inspired to keep living the dream and gaining perspective.
Jennifer Pharr Davis also has some things to say about the "power and healing of physical forward motion" in her talk featured on National Geographic talk.
The Mountains may never call you to thru-hike, but they will call. So best have your boots ready.
FORTITUDE IS A FORGOTTEN VALUE THAT WE ALL NEED NOW.
Enduring pain and suffering is a part of trail-life. "Embrace the suck" is a famous saying on the Appalachian Trail (AT). You have to, because most of the time, it sucks. You are uncomfortable a good 90% of the time. Your muscles ache, and your feet are torn apart. The mosquitoes are relentless at times. You are downright dirty, and hiker-hunger will get the best of your emotions. The boredom of monotonous duties can and will mess with your psyche. You will want to quit. You will question why you started and what the point is. As the thru-hikers say, "No Pain, No Maine."
Joseph M Marshall III talks about fortitude in his book, The Lakota Way, as "quiet persistence." It's the "ability to take one step at a time and make the best possible use of your attributes."
Today, we are so conditioned to cushy, cozy lives. Being comfortable might just be our Achilles heel. It gets in the way of living our dreams. To live your dreams, you have to risk being comfortable. You have to be brave and overcome fears. You have to be patient. You have to stay connected to your purpose and your original intention. Above all, you have to endure with the strength of your heart and mind. You must possess fortitude. If you don't yet have enough, the journey will give it to you. So just believe and try to embrace the suck.
CLARITY OF PURPOSE BRINGS HAPPINESS
It's basic stuff in the backcountry. There is never any questioning of what needs to be done. Secure safe shelter, fire for warmth, get clean water, enjoy community. These are the priorities. Everything else falls into place after the basics. In the modern world, there are so many distractions. It's hard to stay focused and connected to what matters most. Our priorities are quickly thrown all out of whack.
Being connected to the elements has a mystical way of revealing how you should approach the more complicated layers of life. One can gaze into a campfire or stare into the stars and suddenly feel a sense of "everything makes sense". I know that I have a heightened sense of intuition when I'm in nature and feel much more confident about what I want out of life. Nature grounds you to the present moment, which seems to be where the magic happens. Gratitude, fulfillment, and clarity all reside in the present.
One of my life purposes became clear to me in 2014 when I was on my thru-hike. I wanted everyone to feel the peace that I felt among the trees. I wanted to inspire everyone to connect with nature and look deeper.
CONNECTION, RESPECT, AND DEEP REVERENCE FOR NATURE
When you are in the backcountry or the deep ocean, or anywhere else, there is no question that you are a part of nature. The water, the berries, the sunshine, and the animals are family. John Muir says it best:
"Wonderful how completely everything in wild nature fits into us, as if truly part and parent of us. The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing. The trees wave and the flowers bloom in our bodies as well as our souls, and every bird song, wind song, and; tremendous storm song of the rocks in the heart of the mountains is our song, our very own, and sings our love."
OUR TRUE HUMAN NATURE IS GOODNESS.
The community surrounding the Appalachian Trail should receive a gold medal in hospitality. There is a reason why people refer to the kind-hearted folk as Trail Angels. Moms and pops, veteran hikers and churches, aspiring trailblazers, and entire towns rally together to help hikers achieve their dreams. It's really that simple. We just want to help each other and see each other thrive.
I remember being in complete awe of the thru-hiker trail etiquette. Generally, whenever you meet another hiker, you stop and have a quick conversation with them. Exchanging questions like: "How is your day? What's up ahead? When did you start hiking? How far are you going? I remember daydreaming about what this would look like in the modern world. What if we made a point to stop and have a real, meaningful conversation with every person we come in contact with throughout our average day? What kind of world would that be? Well, I guess it would be a much slower pace of living. Maybe, some of us are doing that with our social media channels in some sort of evolved way. Anyway, the point is that the genuine level of care about another person's journey was high on the trail. The exchange was valued. It had a profound impact on my life. I may not be able to converse with everyone I meet each day, but I really hope that the conversations I have are full of care and meaning.
Watching my son, River, grow has only solidified that we are born so pure and innocent with a strong innate desire to do good.
NATURE AS THE ULTIMATE GUIDE FOR DREAMERS.
Like all relationships, a deep intimate connection with the natural world takes work. You must be open and patient, and willing to learn. If you put yourself in the student role and step outside- I promise nature will guide you to where you need to go. I've always been connected to nature. Growing up, my dad would often preach about passages in the Bible where it talks about the rocks crying out and the fields clapping. I felt a deep resonance with his sermons because it felt true. I would feel the tree's messages of strength and the flower's messages of comfort. I would hear the birds and watch as they dance us into a state of joy. Living on the AT affirmed for me that nature is my ultimate guide.
#god #lifelessons #appalachiantrail #nature #hiking #learning #living
Monday, January 6, 2020
21 Creative ways to stay inspired during pregnancy
There will be hard days during your pregnancy journey. Morning sickness may get you down. Fear of the unknown is common throughout pregnancy. Body changes and hormones will send you on an emotional roller coaster. Pregnancy can be an overwhelming time of hard questions and heavy decisions. The excitement can quickly shape-shift into anxiety. Party planning and registry building can go all to easily go from fun to stress. It can leave a woman wondering: How am I supposed to enjoy a milestone journey with so many inevitable obstacles??
- Make a “Happy Thoughts” list. Write down all the things you are looking forward to doing with your baby. (Taking her to the library, making a Halloween costume, hearing his laugh, etc.)
- Get a prenatal massage. I was lucky enough to have weekly massages in my 3rd trimester and cannot stress the value in body work enough! I truly believe it helped me stress less and heal faster!
- Read books and other blogs that encourage natural birth. I love, love, love Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth.
- Ask a friend to host a Blessing Way Ceremony for you.
- Sit with a shaman. Journey to your baby together. I recommend Bloom Post if you are in the Asheville area.
- Write a letter to your baby. Let her know how excited you are to meet her.
- Create a Pinterest mood board. A great way to learn about parenting hacks, nursery DIY’s and party ideas.
- Look for a baby book that you love! It’s not too early, promise!
- Maternity Photo Shoot- Feeling good with your new curves and glowing skin? Take some photos and allow yourself to be in awe of your incredible body. My sister took mine and is available for those in Destin, FL or East TN!
- Yoga. Take a prenatal yoga class to stretch and breathe deeper.
- Listen to affirmations for hypno-birthing tracks. I used the Marie Mongan Rainbow Relaxation one everyday and the Hypnobabies tracks whenever I had more time.
- Decide what new Family Traditions you want to begin. Picking out a Christmas tree, Saying Grace before meals, yearly campouts, Sunday pancakes, etc, etc.
- Join a local mama’s group. Or research good Facebook ones.
- Pick a labor project. A labor project is something you can work on during the end of your pregnancy to help keep your mind off of the constant “wondering when baby will arrive” thinking. I picked gardening, but never got around to actually doing it. :p
- Plant a tree to symbolize the new life you will continue to nurture! We planted a Christmas tree in our backyard!
- Introduce your baby to the sound of the ocean or a rushing river.
- Swim or Float 😉 This feels especially nice in the 3rd trimester.
- Learn about your deep ancestry with a DNA testing kit. I loved doing this. I became curious about the people who helped create my baby and loved learning about where they were from. We used the kit from Ancestry.com.
- Get Reflective with a Pregnancy Tarot Spread. I really like this one from Biddy Tarot.
Sunday, January 5, 2020
The Deep Work, A Poem
Keep hiding, keep safe.
Don’t put yourself out there for Heaven’s sake.
Just keep to yourself. Free from judgement.
Free from fear of what others will say.
Because…
How will they take you
with your mess and your sadness….
Don’t risk being rejected,
just be quiet and feel accepted.
Damn.
Just want to feel loved and cool.
Thought I left all this shit in High School.
I’m 31 and still concerned with my self image.
Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve been given?
Can’t I be content for just one minute?
Thinking. . .
Gotta be liked. Gotta be something.
Better be good or else I’ll be running
I look at my son and hope he’s not like this.
I hope he gets his daddy’s self confidence.
I hope he doesn’t stress about paying the rent.
He’s bound to be more. Right?
Because I’m learning what to say.
I’m trusting it will all be okay.
Even when the blue skies fade to grey,
I’ll think back to my time I lived on Renee-
When I would cry everyday and just pray
for the sadness to go away.
Been becoming more aware of my actions.
Noticing that my phone is a tasty distraction.
That this consumption and obsession with superficial stuff
Has us all running amok
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
I’ll pray it everyday.
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
Help me believe that I am enough.
I know my son is watching.
Always pulling out pots and spatulas-
trying to cook just like his daddy does.
He wants to be just like us.
They say kids change you
Now, I know that’s true.
Got caught up in religion
Now, I’m trying to live by my own intuition.
I’ve been battling my own reflection
since I ran for homecoming queen and faced rejection.
Trying to control my happiness
through numbers and caffeine.
And by connecting on screens.
Spent a long time contemplating life.
Spent a long time wondering why.
But my son gives me hope.
If God chose me to be a mom,
I’ve got to find a new way to cope.
This fear and anxiety cannot get the best of me.
The universe is counting on me to get it together.
Mothers, let this be a truth to remember:
The universe is counting on us to get it together.
Through the sleep deprivation,
we must be the true education.
To love ourselves and honor all creation.
To be examples of strength and vitality.
To teach our children to dream,
but understand living in reality.
I have to be better at believing in myself.
I know it’s an investment in my health
and ultimately my wealth.
It’s all for my son
and the generations to come.
He makes me want to do my part.
Do the deep work and make good art.
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Architecting a New Identity as Mother, My Postpartum Journey
Lost, isolated, confused, guilty, angry, hopeless, exhausted. These are the feelings that I associate with the first 10 months of Motherhood. It wasn’t until just before River’s first birthday that things started to really turn around for us. Confusion led to Curiosity and Anger burned its way to Acceptance. Hope rose from the ashes bringing Peace, Inspiration and Fulfillment.
I realize that every mom and baby are different. I write this as a testament to our experience and for other moms who are still struggling. I promise you can get through this and you will feel like yourself again soon. If I can do it, so can you.
Lost in the Sea of Motherhood
The days crept along, like they do in the beginning. River and I started to fall into rhythm around 4 months. Then, he had sleep regression and our rhythm broke. In the back of my mind I knew I had to do something radical because the darkness was gaining a really strong grip.
I was losing my mind. I was complaining all of the time. Depression was chasing me around everywhere. I was focused on everything negative. It was so hard to see the positives. I was resentful of my partner. I was angry and frustrated. I had outbursts and screaming fits like never before. It was alarming. I felt so misunderstood and hopeless. Like all new moms, I was depleted. I was drowning.
Sounding the Alarms
S.O.S. Please, someone help us. We are drowning. If you are not a mother, I know this must sound dramatic. Let me assure you- it’s not. New moms know that the first year is all about surviving. Just staying alive. Taco Bell came to my rescue more times than I’m willing to say. Whatever it takes. Just keep your head above water. No shame.
I did my best to communicate my needs to my partner. I did my best to ask for and accept support from our family and friends. I went to mom groups and story time. I tried to get help.
But it always seemed like the help wasn’t helping.
Alone
As Alli Wong talks about in her stand up special: Hard Knock Wife, “it’s like ‘The Walking Dead,’ you’ve just gotta hook up with a crew to survive“.
Although, “crews” are nice and it’s great to have a supportive partner (btw it’s hard to believe that some moms have to do this crazy trip alone). It was still hard to rest and gain ground. Mostly, because of the mental labor or as some women call, “the invisible labor”, that I was left to shoulder. I still found myself feeling so alone. Alone and frustrated. Keeping tabs on his eating, pooping and every little milestone moment was taking up so much mental space. It was also stressing me out.
Letting Curiosity Lead
I felt compelled to fix this issue. I became extremely introspective. I’m naturally curious but this felt more productive than my average mind-wandering. I was on a mission. Why is this chapter of my life so hard when so many other women have gone through this before me? Why do we all feel alone? Why is this so hard? We live in the cushiest, coziest time. Why is there not more support for new moms? It should not be this way.
I felt so overwhelmed after I left mom groups or read other blogs about the woes of motherhood. It was just amplifying my depression. I followed my train of thought while I nursed River everyday. It would always lead me to myself. I finally got fed up and decided that being a mom was to become a badass. A freaking warrior in love. A dishwasher ninja. A professional one-handed athlete. A dream weaver. A woman who does not give up. A woman who clings to what is important. A women who can keep her cool on the hardest of days.
My anger lit an inner fire that helped fuel my desire for clarity.
Regaining Hope Through Acceptance
Once it was clear that my life was different and wasn’t ever going back to the way it was, hope appeared. I could start to move on. I had a funeral for the old Amber by writing myself a letter to honor everything that I had done to get me to this chapter in my life. It felt amazing just acknowledging and affirming to myself that this journey has not been easy. I had to dig deep within to find the strength and courage to let go and begin anew.
Defining a New Dream
I wanted to prove to myself and to other moms that we can still dream. We may have less time and energy and space, but we can still dream. We can still dream and work towards a life that is fulfilling. So here I am, writing while River naps. I’m doing what I love with dishes in the sink and unpacked groceries on the counter. I hope you will find a way, too.
Lots of love and hope, Amber
Header Photo by Lexi B Adams.
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