Trying to turn pain into art
Just trying to do my part
Of using my creative gifts
To help give our world a vibrational lift.
But fears and distraction has kept me from taking action
Will I ever find my voice? Will I ever calm the noise?
I’m taking a break from social media to raise my self esteem
Always feeling blue after looking at the screen
Always feeling lonely after the self-sabotaging routine
I know I’m better than this
Why can’t I just quit the bullshit
A prisoner of my thoughts
Got my stomach in knots
I look in the mirror and all I see is a tired mom-
Wondering what in the world have I done wrong.
Where has my self esteem gone?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
I thought my days would be full of color and play.
I left the corporate world so I could do more of what I love-
Sacrificing the stability and pay
You know, so I could make art and do the things I’ve been dreaming of.
But I’m scared.
What will they think? What will they say?
If I declare something true. If I paint something new.
If I stand for something they stand against.
If I make an uncomfortable mess.
If I choose to confess.
Things need to be put to rest.
This will be the ultimate test.
Can I alchemize
The tears that I’ve cried?
Can I visualize
A new me, a new you-
And be brave enough to believe it may come true?
I want to be cool. I want to fit in.
I want to be seen for the real me.
I want to be accepted.
I’ve been rejected.
It hurts for a minute, but then I’m over it
And ready to get back in it.
But this time I have different intentions.
This time I’m aiming to be respected.
Respected for trying.
Respected for truth-telling, being scared and crying.
Respected for messing up
And having the faith to get back up.
To transform these deep emotions
Into stories of love, hope and devotion
Would be an act of spiritual alchemy
Then, maybe, I will finally feel free
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