Well, I’d like to believe that with a little creativity and some willing friends, mothers-to-be can stress less and enjoy more throughout the journey! Below are my favorite ways to keep the good vibes flowing during pregnancy!
Monday, January 6, 2020
21 Creative ways to stay inspired during pregnancy
There will be hard days during your pregnancy journey. Morning sickness may get you down. Fear of the unknown is common throughout pregnancy. Body changes and hormones will send you on an emotional roller coaster. Pregnancy can be an overwhelming time of hard questions and heavy decisions. The excitement can quickly shape-shift into anxiety. Party planning and registry building can go all to easily go from fun to stress. It can leave a woman wondering: How am I supposed to enjoy a milestone journey with so many inevitable obstacles??
- Make a “Happy Thoughts” list. Write down all the things you are looking forward to doing with your baby. (Taking her to the library, making a Halloween costume, hearing his laugh, etc.)
- Get a prenatal massage. I was lucky enough to have weekly massages in my 3rd trimester and cannot stress the value in body work enough! I truly believe it helped me stress less and heal faster!
- Read books and other blogs that encourage natural birth. I love, love, love Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth.
- Ask a friend to host a Blessing Way Ceremony for you.
- Sit with a shaman. Journey to your baby together. I recommend Bloom Post if you are in the Asheville area.
- Write a letter to your baby. Let her know how excited you are to meet her.
- Create a Pinterest mood board. A great way to learn about parenting hacks, nursery DIY’s and party ideas.
- Look for a baby book that you love! It’s not too early, promise!
- Maternity Photo Shoot- Feeling good with your new curves and glowing skin? Take some photos and allow yourself to be in awe of your incredible body. My sister took mine and is available for those in Destin, FL or East TN!
- Yoga. Take a prenatal yoga class to stretch and breathe deeper.
- Listen to affirmations for hypno-birthing tracks. I used the Marie Mongan Rainbow Relaxation one everyday and the Hypnobabies tracks whenever I had more time.
- Decide what new Family Traditions you want to begin. Picking out a Christmas tree, Saying Grace before meals, yearly campouts, Sunday pancakes, etc, etc.
- Join a local mama’s group. Or research good Facebook ones.
- Pick a labor project. A labor project is something you can work on during the end of your pregnancy to help keep your mind off of the constant “wondering when baby will arrive” thinking. I picked gardening, but never got around to actually doing it. :p
- Plant a tree to symbolize the new life you will continue to nurture! We planted a Christmas tree in our backyard!
- Introduce your baby to the sound of the ocean or a rushing river.
- Swim or Float 😉 This feels especially nice in the 3rd trimester.
- Learn about your deep ancestry with a DNA testing kit. I loved doing this. I became curious about the people who helped create my baby and loved learning about where they were from. We used the kit from Ancestry.com.
- Get Reflective with a Pregnancy Tarot Spread. I really like this one from Biddy Tarot.
Sunday, January 5, 2020
The Deep Work, A Poem
Keep hiding, keep safe.
Don’t put yourself out there for Heaven’s sake.
Just keep to yourself. Free from judgement.
Free from fear of what others will say.
Because…
How will they take you
with your mess and your sadness….
Don’t risk being rejected,
just be quiet and feel accepted.
Damn.
Just want to feel loved and cool.
Thought I left all this shit in High School.
I’m 31 and still concerned with my self image.
Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve been given?
Can’t I be content for just one minute?
Thinking. . .
Gotta be liked. Gotta be something.
Better be good or else I’ll be running
I look at my son and hope he’s not like this.
I hope he gets his daddy’s self confidence.
I hope he doesn’t stress about paying the rent.
He’s bound to be more. Right?
Because I’m learning what to say.
I’m trusting it will all be okay.
Even when the blue skies fade to grey,
I’ll think back to my time I lived on Renee-
When I would cry everyday and just pray
for the sadness to go away.
Been becoming more aware of my actions.
Noticing that my phone is a tasty distraction.
That this consumption and obsession with superficial stuff
Has us all running amok
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
I’ll pray it everyday.
God, please help me be more spiritually tough.
Help me believe that I am enough.
I know my son is watching.
Always pulling out pots and spatulas-
trying to cook just like his daddy does.
He wants to be just like us.
They say kids change you
Now, I know that’s true.
Got caught up in religion
Now, I’m trying to live by my own intuition.
I’ve been battling my own reflection
since I ran for homecoming queen and faced rejection.
Trying to control my happiness
through numbers and caffeine.
And by connecting on screens.
Spent a long time contemplating life.
Spent a long time wondering why.
But my son gives me hope.
If God chose me to be a mom,
I’ve got to find a new way to cope.
This fear and anxiety cannot get the best of me.
The universe is counting on me to get it together.
Mothers, let this be a truth to remember:
The universe is counting on us to get it together.
Through the sleep deprivation,
we must be the true education.
To love ourselves and honor all creation.
To be examples of strength and vitality.
To teach our children to dream,
but understand living in reality.
I have to be better at believing in myself.
I know it’s an investment in my health
and ultimately my wealth.
It’s all for my son
and the generations to come.
He makes me want to do my part.
Do the deep work and make good art.
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Architecting a New Identity as Mother, My Postpartum Journey
Lost, isolated, confused, guilty, angry, hopeless, exhausted. These are the feelings that I associate with the first 10 months of Motherhood. It wasn’t until just before River’s first birthday that things started to really turn around for us. Confusion led to Curiosity and Anger burned its way to Acceptance. Hope rose from the ashes bringing Peace, Inspiration and Fulfillment.
I realize that every mom and baby are different. I write this as a testament to our experience and for other moms who are still struggling. I promise you can get through this and you will feel like yourself again soon. If I can do it, so can you.
Lost in the Sea of Motherhood
The days crept along, like they do in the beginning. River and I started to fall into rhythm around 4 months. Then, he had sleep regression and our rhythm broke. In the back of my mind I knew I had to do something radical because the darkness was gaining a really strong grip.
I was losing my mind. I was complaining all of the time. Depression was chasing me around everywhere. I was focused on everything negative. It was so hard to see the positives. I was resentful of my partner. I was angry and frustrated. I had outbursts and screaming fits like never before. It was alarming. I felt so misunderstood and hopeless. Like all new moms, I was depleted. I was drowning.
Sounding the Alarms
S.O.S. Please, someone help us. We are drowning. If you are not a mother, I know this must sound dramatic. Let me assure you- it’s not. New moms know that the first year is all about surviving. Just staying alive. Taco Bell came to my rescue more times than I’m willing to say. Whatever it takes. Just keep your head above water. No shame.
I did my best to communicate my needs to my partner. I did my best to ask for and accept support from our family and friends. I went to mom groups and story time. I tried to get help.
But it always seemed like the help wasn’t helping.
Alone
As Alli Wong talks about in her stand up special: Hard Knock Wife, “it’s like ‘The Walking Dead,’ you’ve just gotta hook up with a crew to survive“.
Although, “crews” are nice and it’s great to have a supportive partner (btw it’s hard to believe that some moms have to do this crazy trip alone). It was still hard to rest and gain ground. Mostly, because of the mental labor or as some women call, “the invisible labor”, that I was left to shoulder. I still found myself feeling so alone. Alone and frustrated. Keeping tabs on his eating, pooping and every little milestone moment was taking up so much mental space. It was also stressing me out.
Letting Curiosity Lead
I felt compelled to fix this issue. I became extremely introspective. I’m naturally curious but this felt more productive than my average mind-wandering. I was on a mission. Why is this chapter of my life so hard when so many other women have gone through this before me? Why do we all feel alone? Why is this so hard? We live in the cushiest, coziest time. Why is there not more support for new moms? It should not be this way.
I felt so overwhelmed after I left mom groups or read other blogs about the woes of motherhood. It was just amplifying my depression. I followed my train of thought while I nursed River everyday. It would always lead me to myself. I finally got fed up and decided that being a mom was to become a badass. A freaking warrior in love. A dishwasher ninja. A professional one-handed athlete. A dream weaver. A woman who does not give up. A woman who clings to what is important. A women who can keep her cool on the hardest of days.
My anger lit an inner fire that helped fuel my desire for clarity.
Regaining Hope Through Acceptance
Once it was clear that my life was different and wasn’t ever going back to the way it was, hope appeared. I could start to move on. I had a funeral for the old Amber by writing myself a letter to honor everything that I had done to get me to this chapter in my life. It felt amazing just acknowledging and affirming to myself that this journey has not been easy. I had to dig deep within to find the strength and courage to let go and begin anew.
Defining a New Dream
I wanted to prove to myself and to other moms that we can still dream. We may have less time and energy and space, but we can still dream. We can still dream and work towards a life that is fulfilling. So here I am, writing while River naps. I’m doing what I love with dishes in the sink and unpacked groceries on the counter. I hope you will find a way, too.
Lots of love and hope, Amber
Header Photo by Lexi B Adams.
Monday, November 18, 2019
Why I’m taking a long break from social media.
We live in a seemingly connected world. Technology has enabled us to connect whenever, wherever. It has made our lives more efficient and we now have access to an abundance of resources. One can argue that we are connected to everything ALL OF THE TIME. Yet, we are finding ourselves separate from the things that matter most. Our best friends are in our back pocket, but we still feel lonely.
Distracted, Discontent and Disconnected from the real world.
This became all too clear when I gave birth to my first son, River. I found myself feeling alone and frustrated. I was doing all the things I thought would help bring me closer to my joy. I was going to story time and visiting with family and going to mom groups. I even tried to start a mom blog.
None of that seemed to work. It just made me feel more lonely. It took all year to figure out that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was just too dang distracted. I made the link between social-media and my feelings of “dis-connect”. Everyday I felt this weird pressure to post, like, engage, follow, connect. Since I had used social media as a Marketing tool in my prior business the habitualized “need to be active online” pattern way of thinking was strong. Naturally, I thought connecting online was the most efficient way to gain support and not lose my shit as a new mom. So I would hop on a mom Facebook group while breastfeeding or scroll Pinterest for some meal inspiration. But it just made me feel more overwhelmed, sad, alone and anxious.
“Earth to Amber”, I would hear Nature whisper. “It’s time to come back to reality.”
It was stealing so much of my time and stressing me out. I had to take a break. So I did a 30 day social media cleanse. It was freeing and insightful. I was surprised at how easy it was, but I was excited to get back online. Spending time on Social Media had become a ritual and a creative outlet, especially since I started posting my poetry on Instagram.
sometimes you need more than a short shower
It was only a couple days of me being back online when a sinking, intuitive feeling came about. I had just wasted precious napping time mindlessly scrolling. I knew I needed a longer break to change this unhealthy relationship I was having with my phone. Every time I would grab it my fingers instantly swiped open my social apps and then I checked my email. I was addicted to that little dopamine hit that we get from notifications!!!
Babies bring motivation.
A few weeks before River turned one, I had a big ah-ha moment after he began imitating me cleaning. Oh my gosh, this baby is watching my every move. I have to be the best role model I can be! I was inspired and motivated to be a better mother- a mother that was not consumed by her phone. I mean, I’m molding the future. This is an honor, a privilege and a huge responsibility. I’m taking this role seriously. I thought to myself.
I vowed to get off social media until I felt more confident and connected with the things that mattered most.
I’m currently 52 days social media free and one thing is for sure. I’m doing a lot more of what I love. This blog is a testament to that! So far, I’ve been writing everyday- focused and fearless. I’m betting that I will feel more present through the holidays, which will in turn make me feel more connected to my family and friends. I know that by the end of this, I will return to social media with a stronger mindset, clear intentions, healthy boundaries, better sex life, better attitude and way less anxiety.
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